I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
