I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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