If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
