I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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