pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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