I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
