I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
