I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
