Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
