remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize