I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
