pop tarts are not kleenex
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We are two peas in an std pod
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
