All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
