my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just gift wrapped bread.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
