I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
