The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
