The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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