wanna go halves on a baby?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
