She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
