Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
