Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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