capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
