To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
