We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
