mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
