he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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