He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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