Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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