i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
