peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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