just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
