When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
