Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Houston, we have a squirter
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
