Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
