he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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