Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
