WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently you make a good broom.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
