if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
too bad you live with your parents still
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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