dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
