Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
