Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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