I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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