I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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