My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just sent this text using only my big toe
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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