Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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