i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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