He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Who died my cat blue again?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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