Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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