i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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