there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
