dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize