Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize