you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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