Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
