One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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