Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wakey wakey hands off snakey
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
