i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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