Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
