I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
