I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
