sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
