like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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