I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
